1,000 Days

My hubby and I share a Google combined calendar on our iPhones. For better or worse, richer or poorer, sickness and health... until one forgets to update the freakin' calendar...

I will inevitably say, "I need you to pick up the babies on April 10th..." to which he will respond, "I'm taking a class that day," or "I am working for so-and-so...," or the ever-so-subtle, "Did you put it in the calendar?" (keep in mind folks, the first two responses are NOT routinely inputted in aforementioned calendar!)

"Remember, the Calendar is not the final "final" word... the Calendar is not the Gospel... the Calendar is not updated... the Calendar doesn't make sense... the Calendar is filling up quickly..." and suddenly the Calendar is now a proper noun in the house which dictates our comings and goings. And, in case you were wondering...those quotes weren't coming from me...ha.

On the Calendar, I like to set audio alerts for events. Not only does this irritate, aggravate, and annoy my hubby because they inevitably ping at an inopportune moment but to make matters worse, oftentimes I don't take the moment to double check my alerts for proper timing. More than once, the alarm has gone off at 11:30pm to remind me to watch a segment on the Midday News that day or "Call Doctor" will beep at 2am instead of pm. The Calendar, nor I, seek perfection. 

But today, J had a legitimate question about the calendar. "What does 1,000 days mean?"

To which, I burst into tears.

On March 21st, the Calendar will alert me to the fact that my Ma has left this Earth for the Next Place exactly 1,000 days prior. One. Thousand. Days.  1,000 phone calls. 1,000 hugs. 1,000 "I love yous". 12 seasons. 3 Christmases. 2 grandchildren. Countless moments. Countless tears. Countless laughs and tugs at those heart strings. All missed. 

Maybe it's not normal to keep track of the days. But to me, it helps me live day-to-day in the "New Normal" - that's what Ma used to call Life after a big, changing event. The. New. Normal. And for 1,000 days I have found love and hate in that New Normal. 1,000 times I have sat and wondered how unfair and fickle Life can be sometimes. And for 1,000 times after I remembered Ma always quoting, "Life is what happens while you're making other plans..."

So on that date, March 21st, the Calendar's plan for me is to surround myself with the New Normal. Big Jim, me, Papa, Baby Jimmy and Maddy. All five of us. 

The Calendar will alert me, on that date, to the fact that life goes on, even if you're not ready for it. I guess in a way, keeping track of the days without my Ma may be not about what she has missed but the strength that I have been forced to gain to carry on. So we will plan to celebrate life, together, with 1,000 laughs, 1,000 smiles, 1,000 'I love yous', all for Ma. And maybe 1,000 beers, too.

I don't think she would want it any other way. 

Except for the beer.  Scratch that. 1,000 m&m's...those'll work just fine.