Dear Jimmy and Maddy,
Someday.
Someday when you read this, I want you to know that I tried as hard as I could to be a great Mom to you. I played as hard as I could, loved and laughed as hard as I could, hugged as hard as I could. Cooked and cleaned??? Maybe not as hard as I could have. But that's okay. A crumb here or there never hurt anyone.
...
Everyday I wake up, I try to make each day right by you. I want more smiles than tears, laughs than sads, screeches of delight than screeches of toddler angst. I think of all the things we can do to fill our days, to keep you the giggling, healthy, active little loves you are. Sometimes we "go on an adventure" and sometimes we're just hanging out at home. It doesn't really matter where we are, as long as you know that my favorite moments begin and end with you.
Understand that learning how to be a Mom without my own Ma, your GeeGee, isn't always easy. But you two, being the great kids you are, make learning and life easier. Thank you.
People have joked since the beginning of time that "babies don't come with a book of instructions..." I beg to differ. The instructions come from your own upbringing and they're tucked away somewhere in your head. Not a moment of your lives hasn't been influenced by the Grandma you never got to meet. I try to follow what she did with me when I was little - everything that worked while tweaking the things that maybe I had hoped had been different.
So when you are tucked in with a "blue" (a pacifier) and a "friend" (frog or minnie mouse), know that comes from GeeGee. And the white noise machine? She always had to have a fan on. When I ask if you're "snug as a bug in a rug" know that was her phrase, too. Speaking of being snug, if that blankie was warmed in the dryer for you, know I learned that from the Best.
And when you hear music on all day, every day, know that was her. She always had to have background noise on. When I interrupt your cartoon to check the weather when the sky is dark or how I have to turn off Luke Bryan in the car to switch to 720 WGN to hear the updated forecast? You guessed it. Then after the storm has passed, going from window to window on a "Rainbow Hunt"... Yep, her too.
Or how about when you cry and I offer you water - it's because "crying just makes your face puffy and just makes you tired" she would say. If I kiss your knees or head after you bump them? A "cool rag" on your head for a fever? All my Mama.
An apple a day, dirt cake in the summer, and Monster Cookies whenever we can bring out the ginormous mixing bowl... All her.
How about the arts and crafts we love? GeeGee was pretty creative, too. The incessant picture taking (like even pics of both of you on the potty?) Yep, all your Grandma.
The trips to the "flower park" to say a silent prayer and send up a balloon... To not be afraid to talk about death or heaven or what comes next. And the I love you...More??? All GeeGee.
And all your Mama. And now, all of it, all YOU.
