70

Eyes and mind wide awake...it's 11:59pm. I was dreaming of Ma again. This time, though, I was aware enough to keep watch on the clock as it flicked to 12:00am, signaling the official start of her 70th birthday. Happy Birthday, Ma. Love and miss you. More.

70. This is the 5th birthday we will celebrate her life, albeit in her absence.

I thought it was appropriate today to share with you some of the "Ma-isms" that she would say, some repeatedly, just to make sure you were listening. She usually started these gems with some "Tape Number..." and then assigned some random number to them - just to introduce them to command your proper attention. Some are repeated from the tribute I read for her four and a half years ago. Some of these you may have never heard before. Some will make you laugh, cry, or crazy. Your choice. 

1. Life is goes on. Even if you don't really want it to.
2. Crying makes you tired. Crying does nothing but make your face puffy and tired and then you’re all cried out and you’re thirsty. Stop crying.
3. Quentin Road is a speed trap. When leaving the house, make sure you don’t speed, especially on Quentin Road. Cops sit there all the time. To write tickets…If, you’re speeding.
4. When going to the mall (at 10 am because that’s the time you need to run errands, not at 5 o’clock- are you crazy?) always park in the same section so you know where your car will be when you come out.
5. Beep beep beep. Tommy Skilling says, when a weather watch is issued, it means “watch out” and when a warning is issued, it means, “danger danger”. In both cases, put your gym shoes on (over your pantyhose,) grab your camera (in case you see any shapes that look like people in the clouds,) and then go in the bathtub or the basement. But first, turn off your computer because if you have a power surge, you want to make sure it’s okay. Don’t trust those surge protectors.
6. Don't color your hair. You're not fooling anybody. And no, it doesn't look natural.
7. Don't bother me while I'm on the phone. Unless you're hurt or bleeding.
8. You have a whole closet of new clothes. You just have to lose a few pounds (said with love).
9. Just one more picture at this angle in front of the mirror. 
10. Your Grandma always said that when you get or earn money: spend a third, save a third (toward what you want) and the other third is just for savings.
11. When looking at paint colors, grab 500 paint chips and stare at them. Don’t just go and pick a paint color willy-nilly. Make sure you sample it on each wall, in the moonlight, sunlight and artificial light.
12. Everything goes in circles. I should have saved the platform shoes from 1960s, the bellbottoms from the 70’s and the leggings from the 80’s. SAVE EVERYTHING AND IT'LL COME BACK. 
13. Just relax. Don’t burn the candle at both ends because you’re going to get sick!
14. M&M'S DO MELT IN YOUR HAND. If you put them in a cup and tip them back into your mouth, you don't have to worry about the melting.
15. Do NOT go up and down the wooden stairs with just socks on. You’re asking for trouble.
16. Days that are dreary until it's almost time for the sun to set are dumb.
17. Say "Good Morning" when you wake up. It makes for a nice start to the day.
18. Washing your hair in the sink prevents you from getting water in your ears.
19. When you find something you like, buy multiples of it. This includes turtlenecks, lipsticks, and printers.
20. Eat slow and chew it good.
21. Life is hard enough; don't go looking for trouble.
22. It's okay to wash your face with Noxema. Twice a day.
23. When coming in from the cold, bundle up in a warm blanket fresh from the dryer. Snug as a bug in a rug.
24. Don't watch movies that are too close to real life. Real life happens - then you have to deal with it - so watch movies like Independence Day or The Mummy because those could never happen.
25. Do not leave plastic water bottles in the car and then drink from them days later. They're poison.
26. Look for the signs. They are everywhere.
27. Sometimes, you just have to... "Let it Go"...
28. If you don't look at the garage door as you're driving away from your house, you know it won't stay closed.
29. If you go out in public without lipstick or washing your hair, that is shameful.
30. Some of the best days are "free days" ---> no heat on, no air conditioning, just a breeze that blows through the sliding glass door.
31. I would rather have a sunny and cold day than a dreary day.
32. You can find something special about every season. Except the summer. It's too damn hot sometimes.
33. You'll be fine. No matter what happens, you'll be just fine.
34. Drink more water.
35. Keep an eye to the sky.
36. I can go all day without eating until 3pm, but I must have my coffee, Pepsi and M&Ms to make it through.
37. It's really special to get a birthday card that includes a dollar bill for each year of life.
38. Shop early and often for gifts. Then forget where you put them.
39. If you're going to listen to music, listen to it loudly. But then don't complain about hearing loss.
40. When men drive, specifically your father, there is something out the left window that he keeps staring at, and I'm not sure what it is.
41. The color black goes with everything.
42. If you stare at a tree stump long enough, you'll surely find a face in it.
43. Same with the clouds.
44. Cover Girl face powder is the best you can find.
45. Smoking cigarettes in the garage takes more effort, therefore I will smoke less. 
46. Clean your bathroom before company arrives and again after they leave.
47. Just tell the truth.
48. Zits are caused by too much sugar.
49. That one time we did the Cabbage Soup Diet, we lost weight, but by day 4 when we were supposed to eat 8 bananas we ate banana cream pie instead. We should've just kept up with it. 
50. When someone isn't nice to you, it's okay to think "Jesus loves you. Everyone else thinks you're an asshole"...
51. I'm stupidly right.
52. When you travel somewhere, bring me back a spoon or a rock for my collection.
53. When it's time for life to end, make sure you graduate it With Honors.
54. It's the stuff people don't see that you do that matters most.
55. In the car, it's really important to listen to WGN 720 in case important news happens when I'm doing my weekly errands.
56. The teacher is always right.
57. If something good or bad happens, tell your mother first, please.
58. If you're drinking at the Cubs game all day, make sure you're not on TV where I can see you.
59. Always have a pen and paper handy when you're on the phone.
60. If you're going to shop online, make sure you check the box that says "This is a gift" so they can send you a box. Boxes are great. Especially the Ralph Lauren ones.
61. Go with your gut. Always go with your gut.
62. Don’t use words like “It’s not fair,” because I don’t like the word “fair” It’s called “Life.” The faster you figure out that nothing is "fair," the easier "Life" will be.
63. Hindsight always is 20/20.
64. The Lion King really teaches you what it's all about.
65. Find strength from your past, your family, and the Man Upstairs.
66. When a major event happens, make sure you stay glued to the news.
67. If you get a bunch of donuts or long johns from the Jewel or the bakery and you cut them into bite-sized pieces, it's like a little snack and you can try all different ones.
68. If you want a new car, make a payment like you have a new car already, and see if you can save up.
69. Wash your hands as soon as you return home from wherever you happened to be.
70. Life is for the living.

Happy birthday, dear Ma. Our gift to you is to keep going with the same grace and strength you always had, even when Life became difficult. That's the way you would have wanted it. You gave us the best gifts - your everlasting love, your charming wisdom, and your enduring witty presence... then and now. 

 

Love you more.