July 16, 2006
Dear Dana,
29 years old today. Happy Birthday, Girl! Tonight, you're going to have an absolute blast at Howl at the Moon with all of your friends - they'll come from every aspect of your life: college, work, childhood - it really doesn't matter, because you're the glue. They'll come together like they're all old friends too - for laughs, for shots, for dancing and for some really, really bad microphone takeovers that will almost get you kicked out of the place. Tomorrow, you'll pay for it with a raging hangover that will piss off your Ma, but she'll get over it quickly like she always does because she thinks you're something to celebrate, too. She may even give you some Pedialyte to take the edge off. Maybe.
Enjoy every gift of a sunrise in this trip around the sun - I'm sorry to tell you, but it'll be the one of the last that seems easy-breezy for ya. Maybe for a long, long time. But you won't know this until much later. But like Ma always says, "life is a series of peaks and valleys," you'll have your shining moments in-between - not really knowing if you're in a peak or in a valley at the time - and you'll wear them well. You'll live, you'll learn, and you'll reflect on the moments that will test your soul. That is how you are built and that is all you know how to do. You got this. And deep down, you'll know you do, too.
My birthday gift to you is the reassurance in knowing you will once return to the You you are tonight. I promise you this. Back to the girl who laughs loudly and loves with reckless abandon. To the girl who celebrates others and seeks those who celebrate her. To the girl they say, "There she is" when you are seen. You may bend, but you won't break. Some days you will feel like it, but you won't allow yourself to. After all, you are your Ma's daughter and you can't let her down. However, along the way, you'll allow parts of your life to evolve into something that doesn't even look like a life, purely out of survival. And that's okay. You'll forgive yourself for that someday. And you always find a silver lining, because silver linings are all you know. And on those days that you have doubts, look down at those wings, Girl, and fly.
In a few years, you'll teach all of these things to your babies, who will be like you in so many ways. More ways than even you can recognize. He will be your heart; She will be your soul, and you will realize that your world begins and ends with them. As it should. In your early years as a mother, you'll forget all about who you are tonight, at 29 years old. But that won't always be the case. Just remember that when you're ready, you can reopen the birthday gift I just presented to you, and it will mean more to you the second time you take the bow off.
One day, you'll dream about this night - and in this dream, you'll even be wearing the new tube top and necklace you got today at Express. You'll take the microphone from the piano, and you'll sing Dreams by Van Halen, louder than you can remember your Ma singing it when she thought nobody could hear her. But this time, everyone can hear you - and more importantly - so pay attention now, you will hear yourself: "and in the end, on dreams we will depend, 'cuz that what love is made of..." You'll awake and just know: It's time to love yourself again. And you will. It won't be easy, but it'll be worth it. It will take time. Stop doubting yourself: be brave, be strong, be the 29 year old you are.
One last thing: tonight, when the blaring rendition of Forever Young is played, grab that mic and sing with those friends, "Whatever road you choose, I'm right behind you, win or lose" like you're literally singing for your life, because, really, you are. You are singing to your future self and let me tell you something: she is dancing her ass off. How do you know I know what I'm talking about? Because everything will be okay in the end - and if it's not okay, it's not the end.
Because when you look in the mirror tomorrow, all you will see is you. At 45.
Love,
Dana
January 22, 2023
p.s. - I love your hair.
