...
I love happening to
you.
Every night, I whisper a “secret” into my children’s ears.
It’s the same “secret” every time but I treat it as though I’m sharing it for
the first time: dramatically pushing away the cozy blankies, moving in closely
so they can hear the quietness and deliberateness of my voice as I confide my
not-so-secret…
“You’re the best thing that has ever happened to me.”
Once in awhile Jimmy gives me a “ Aw, thanks, Mom,” but more
often than not it’s a “Yah, that is the same thing you told me last night”… But
Maddy, my sweet baby who is no longer a baby, mimics me and tells ME a secret
right back from time to time. “Thanks for the cupcake,” “Tomorrow I want to
watch Ariel,” and “I love lunch bunch,” are just a few of her secrets.
But then, one night, this gem: “I love happening to you.”
Cue the ugly cry. Silent, ugly tears ran down my face as I
quietly exited her bedroom, so as not to bother the Big Guy, studying on the
couch.
It’s no secret the last year and a half have been some of the
toughest moments of my life, aside from losing my Ma before she got to meet her
grandson (this side of the rainbow at least). While we’ve been through a lot, to me, nothing
can top that. Losing my Ma was the single biggest disappointment of my life.
But these last 18 months… yikes. Reflecting on the last
18 months sometimes make me want to scream fu-- at the top of my lungs, but
then I worry y’all would have me sent to the crazy house. But it’s true. Life
has changed in what seems like a thousand ways some days; on others, it seems
like I haven’t skipped a beat. Eighteen months of the longest days of uncertainty,
unexpected change, unanticipated growth, wins and losses, and just Life.
Happening to me. Everything and nothing -- all at once. To get through, I keep
moving. Moving more than I have ever moved in the last 41 years. That’s why I’m
the skinniest I’ve ever been… ha ha.
“I love happening to you” brought my world to a screeching
halt at the intersection of Self-Reflection and Let it Go.
While all of the things happening in my life that I can’t
control can bring me down at times, I can’t let it define me or my family. I’m
sure things that are happening to me are at the hands of the Big Man Upstairs,
or at least I like to think so. So I
will let things happen, the way they are intended… and just let it “God”.
