I’ve been called a lot of things over the course of my life: Miracle Baby. Da. Daughter. Girlfriend. Best Friend. Favorite Niece. Teacher. *ex* Wife. But far and away the most important title I have ever held is simply “Mom.”
For whatever reason, Jimmy and Maddy never really called me “Mommy” - just “Mama.” I’m okay with that. In fact, Maddy programmed her watch to call or text me as that, and I hope that never changes. Once in awhile, Jimmy will throw in a “Mother,” usually when I’m asking him to pick up his dirty chonies off the floor, which I’m pretty sure in his head is followed by another colorful sentiment, but I can’t really be so sure.
Often, I tell Jimmy and the Mads that I learned how to be a Mom from the BEST. To me, the BEST that ever was. Sure, my Ma aggravated me from time to time, mainly when it came to her stubborn ways and required pantyhose adornment, or the fact that she was “stupidly right,” but Ma? She always, always put me (and Deb) above herself. Always and in all ways.
For years, I thought I was doing the right thing by putting what I thought was the best interest of my children above my own. I couldn’t have been more wrong. Turns out the old adage “If Mama ain’t happy, nobody is happy,” is rooted in non-fiction…and us 3 are the living proof of that. We are finding that laughter comes easy, tears are few, and mostly that life is short, so we make it as sweet as we can. We choose happy every day, and there is no regret in that. Not one. Not ever.
Mother’s Days I have celebrated as “Mama” have been spent as a daughter searching for her Ma, whose residence in Heaven makes it difficult to find the “happy” in the day; this year is the year that all changes. Sure, I will still go on what I lovingly refer to as the “Cemetery Circle Tour,” and have my customary Gene and Jude’s hotdog picnic…but as I write, I’m sitting in the quiet safety of my patio, surrounded by a faint sound of a 40th birthday party band playing great music a few yards down, and I’m waiting for those floating lights in the sky which somehow I feel are for all the “Mama’s” out there celebrating without their Ma’s, too. But this year, instead of tears, I am smiling. And that is the feeling I have been waiting for, for a long, long time.
So this Mother’s Day is about me and all of the things Ma taught me that I’m sharing with J and M. Tomorrow I will remind them of some of her gems:
1) Find the beauty in every one and in every thing, even if that’s really annoying.
2) It’s okay to cry, but laughing until you cry doesn’t make your face as puffy as if you’re crying because you’re upset, so focus on the happy tears and not the sad ones.
3) If people are assholes or mean, there is something wrong with them, not you.
4) Keep moving forward, but never forget where you’ve been.
5) M&M’s really do melt in your hand.
Love you, Ma. More.
Now send me some damn purple lights so I can go to bed.
Xoxo
